How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
