honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I fill condoms, not promises.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
