so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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