your parents love me but you hate me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
