Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
