He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
