Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
