summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
