we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
