Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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