wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
