Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
