I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
