walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
