My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
