Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
