Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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