I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
