Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
