My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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