she woke up with a sticky ear
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
