I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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