Just took my morning after pill in the library
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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