I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We need to get me chipped asap
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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