Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
