In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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