you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
