you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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