Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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