Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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