I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
