Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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