Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Mom said you looked used
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
