; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
