We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
