Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
