Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Where did you get a picture of my penis
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
