My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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