it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
