From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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