dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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