i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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