probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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