yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
