chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
