i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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