I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
