I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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