I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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