Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
