Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
