he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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