Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
home. puking in laundry basket.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
