we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
