i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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