Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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