you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
