Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
