you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
