Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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