haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
