Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can text with my tongue
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
