Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
