You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
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Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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