Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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