Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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