In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
