guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
