Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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