Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
